It's difficult to rejoice.

She's gone from this Earth. Aunt Daisy passed away last night at 10:35 p.m. central time. Death creeped into the dark of night and took her home to Jesus. I imagine, too, that she was then delivered into the arms of her awaiting mother, other family and friends. That's not so bad when you think about it. Actually, that's the best place to be - rejoicing in the healing properties of heaven. However, it's a difficult place for me right now.

As a Christian, Daisy had the assurance of heaven; so do I. I am rejoicing over her entrance onto the streets paved with gold. I have thought of nothing else about her death except of what she must be experiencing right now. How upon the first hour she was taking it all in. Then it was the second hour - who had she seen? At the same time these thoughts were going on, I was communicating with family back at the house as to the realities of what comes after the death of an individual, especially when that individual has passed away in her own home. There were painful tasks that had to be completed. It's difficult to accomplish such tasks when there is much shock and sorrow entering into the equation. Meanwhile, back in heaven there is much rejoicing and praising going on. What a contrast of emotions!

I've lost not only my aunt, but a friend. Since I was a child, I remember always connecting with her. And as I grew into an adult, we established a close relationship. There are so many memories, but the ones that happened most frequently were the phone calls.

From my childhood, I remember my mother calling her sister (and subsequent family) on Saturdays. The dialing rates were cheaper, so every Saturday she spoke with Aunt Daisy. This is a deeply rooted memory. As I grew up, I started doing the same thing. It's what I knew. Fortunately for us all, the rates adjusted, and you could call after 9pm any night of the week, so the calls became more frequent. Eventually, as is the case now, it doesn't matter when you call. The rates are all the same. Therefore, my relationship with Aunt Daisy was then deeply rooted in many frequent phone calls as well. I am now shaking my head at the thought of never being able to hear that voice over the phone. I can't call her during an Alabama football game. I won't be able to call her to share the successes (or failures) of my children. I no longer can call just to see how she is. Well, now I have to imagine how she is, but that's difficult to do through my tears. It's difficult to rejoice at her healing right now.

So we're now into 12 hours after death. There's still rejoicing going on in heaven. I sit here alone in my sorrowful thoughts imagining what's going on in her Minnesota home and in her heavenly home. That's just it: I can only imagine. But one thing's for sure, one day I will know, and that's the best assurance I can have. Meanwhile, I experience conflicting emotions of sadness and sorrow versus gladness and exultation. It's just plain difficult, and I don't like it.

Free at Last

I can't help but think "free at last" while I sit in some peace and quiet at home. Caroline is in the Dominican Republic on a mission trip this week, and Joel and Reid have just left for an undetermined amount of time to work at the marina. Therefore, the freedom I am experiencing at the current time is much appreciated and deserved, I think! There used to be times when I would have the house to myself. In thinking back on that, my mind take me to the time when Caroline was 1 month old, and Mom drove to Decatur to pick up Caroline for Mom's Spring Break! And I let her go! 1 month old, I tell you! I remember that moment they pulled out of the driveway just like it was yesterday. After getting used to the idea that I just let my newborn daughter leave for a week, surely I was thinking "free at last" then, too. Mom would often do that for her Spring Break, even after Reid came along. What a gift she was giving me! Lately, though, I can't recall the last time I have had the house to myself. Joel has been gone, or now having just returned, so I know there hasn't been a time in the last 2 years. However, now that I am enjoying this moment, I recall what I have been missing. It is truly wonderful, and my mind is racing through all the things I can accomplish during this time. There's tv shows to watch on the DVR; there's a scrapbook room that's feeling lonely and empty; there are friends (a few who are left behind) to see; and there's work to be done on the coffee I'm catering in a week. So much.... little time, really. Whatever I choose, I know I will enjoy just being "free at last".

Letting Go

It's not easy letting go of a prized possession. Just hearing that connotation makes me want to clamp down on it more tightly. It would be important to me, something I want to keep. Time has been invested, love has been given, and depending on what that item is, love could have been taken from it as well. In this case, this "item" is my aunt, Daisy.

She has been a treasured member of our family. She has loved me like her child since birth. She has loved my husband as a "son-in-law". She has loved my children as her own grandchildren. And by loving, I mean she has devoted herself to whatever we needed from her and more, and she has delivered, just as a mother would for her children.

She's also been a friend to me. We've shared so many conversations over the years, and as an adult, I have appreciated the relationship we have developed. We could talk about familial relations or an Alabama football game and share the deepest of emotions on both accounts! Some of my favorite moments on the phone with her have been during a nail-biting Bama football game. She can get so nervous and excited over the simplest of plays... just like her mother! No one can ever duplicate her nervousness or jittery screams!

Well, as I have learned over the past couple of days, I am having to let go of this "prized possession". Cancer is taking another victim. Crap! (That's not really the four-letter word I want to use here. I can think of many others!) It's not pretty, and in a couple of days, I will be seeing it for myself. I will be letting it go in person.

And God has affirmed this morning that it's okay. I open my devotional book (Jesus Calling) to today's devotion, and here it is. As more often than not, it is a timely devotion.

"This is a time in your life when you must learn to let go; of loved ones, of possessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete. Take time to bask in the Light of My Love. As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into My care.

You can feel secure, even in the midst of cataclysmic changes, through awareness of My continual Presence. The One who never leaves you is the same One who never changes: I am the same yesterday, today, and forever. As you release more and more things into My care, remember that I never let go of your hand. Herein lies your security, which no one and no circumstance can take from you."

Amazing, really. He does listen and address the desires and concerns of our hearts, and all He desires is for us to rest in Him. I do, for during circumstances through which I am living right now, that's all I can do, for He can provide the hope I need to get through it. And then one day, soon enough, I will be reunited with my "prized possession". And in conclusion, I am not really having to let go for long.

Is anybody out there?

Since restarting this adventure in blogging, I am curious to know if this is just a cathartic journey for me alone, or is someone joining me as I type out my thoughts on a random basis. Who else is here?

Whatever the case, I do enjoying typing out my thoughts, even though someone else might find them mundane. It is indeed a cathartic journey, as I find that in typing them and subsequently "publishing" them, I release thoughts into the world wide web (www) where they get tangled up in mess of verbage "out there".

One could also call this a journal. Will it forever remain "out there" for my grandchildren and beyond to see? Or at some point will I have to save as another random file on my computer and/or print to publish a notebook of these thoughts? (Think about that..... how much information can this www hold? Limitless?) In thinking that my grandchildren, or heck, even my children can go back 10 years from now and read what I have posted today, I then realize that I am creating a journal of history. What a testament of my life/their lives/our lives as a family!

So I guess these thoughts aren't so random after all. Well, they are, but in the thoughts are feelings and events that touched my life. It's more of a record than can be found in the photos I have taken. While "they" say that a photo speaks 1,000 words, or something like that, I can speak 1,000 words and beyond, and I can tell a story. It may not be that fabulous of a story, however, if the words are blended with photos, then one heck of a story is being told.

I think I'll continue to type out these thoughts, for I look back at all I've left out in 1 year of absence from blogging, and I'm sad that those events aren't recorded. So much happened in the last year, the biggest impact having been Joel's deployment to Iraq. We made it through that event, but so many emotions occurred that could have been easily recorded on this blog. But we can't look back, only forward. And, it starts with today, for God says, "...do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 So, I do start with today, because indeed, it does have enough "trouble" that I must turn over to Him, for only He can handle the burden.

It's Monday morning.... again!

Monday morning. What does it mean to you?

As I sit here this morning at 9:30 a.m., I look at the days/week ahead, and I ponder what I will do with them/it. Then it all becomes overwhelming to me, as there is so much I'd like to accomplish, then I want to shut down. It's too much! So where do I begin?

This is the time that I would turn to facebook and get lost within it. I would look to other statuses to see how my friend's are getting through this morning and what they will do with their week. From what I would gather, I would then make adjustments to my day/week. However, without that input today, I must motivate myself to "git 'r done". So here I go.

On the other hand, don't expect to hear a whirlwind of activity coming from North Georgia. I don't feel any rumblings.

Time... how is yours?

Every day I receive a brief devotional written by my pastor, Bryant Wright. It's not a personal email from him, although that would be nice, it is sent out via a ministry that he started, Right From the Heart. www.rightfromtheheart.org More often than not, these devotionals are rather timely. Such was the case 2 days ago as I have been thinking about the time that I am given each day. Am I doing the most with it? Am I wasting it on fb?! (Yes! See yesterday's posting.) The gist of the message is based on scripture encouraging one to make the most of their time/day. He goes straight to the point in evaluating how one spends their time/day.

I tried to copy and paste the devotional here, but for whatever reason, it wouldn't paste. If interested, you may click on the following link to read the short devotional yourself.
https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&shva=1#inbox/12ebd28036400c29

"They" say that the first step toward freedom is admitting that you have a problem. Yes, I do for sure. I am a queen of procrastinating and filling my valuable time with useless measures in failed attempts of accomplishing tasks. However, I do know that God's word is a good source and reminder of how and what I should be doing, and Bryant is brilliant and gentle at correcting the paths of his parishoners. It would be my prayer that you can find His word and his word good resources in managing your time, too.

If you're interested in allowing Bryant to guide you through His word, his words may be purchased here.

One Minute of Your Day
http://www.amazon.com/One-Minute-Your-Bryant-Wright/dp/1579218415/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1300483992&sr=1-7

Right from the Heart: Turning Your Heart Toward God (soon to be published) http://www.amazon.com/Right-Heart-Turning-Your-Toward/dp/1404190023/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1300483992&sr=1-3.

Returning?

Could the "owner" of this site really be returning after an almost 14-month absence? Possibly.

I have decided to give up facebook (fb) for Lent, and tonight I remembered that I had a blog. HA! The computer has actually gotten boring for me, as in checking my email, I realized that everyone must now communicate on fb. I am feeling really out of touch, but a covenant made is a covenant made. It's actually been easy, however boring. I do miss knowing what's going on, too. There is a tremendous disconnected feeling, but I am sure it will be long forgotten once I get reconnected.

The goal in giving up fb is just to make the commitment to refocus my time. I am quite sure I have wasted so much time, time that should have been spent doing other things. Like scrapbooking. Maybe it's time to get back into that scrapbook room and do something productive. Ahhh.... could I invent a fb program that automatically went through my newsfeed and read it out loud to me? In this manner, I could accomplish two things at once! Will someone please get on that?!

At the end of this "assignment" I hope to have reestablished a daily schedule that includes a commitment to my daily quiet time, a brief checking of email/fb, and then accomplishing daily tasks as needed. In fact, now that I am back to blogging and reading other blogs, I have been re- inspired to look into repurposing items... i.e. THRIFTING! My oh, my! There are so many things to do and so little time to do them.

Then again, maybe I'll just stick to blogging OR fb! Time will tell.

Hello again, dear family and friends. Maybe you'll be hearing from me more often in this manner. Love to all!